just a slice' of empathy...

*hmm… Have been gone for some-moments.., found some more things...

When you have to put yourself in one or some situation by yourself; like, you do the things which actually-you’ve been used to do it with other people, but now you have to do it alone. No-companion, just on your own; it must be felt a bit awkward. Need some time to get used to it, and it’s not that simple as turning your head on the other-side. You need that’ patience, supports, and hope. =)

Well I saw her. She’s been trying hard to handle that. *she’s my friend, one of the closest-one’…* by the look on her eyes, me, and us –some of the best-mates- could see the sadness in her. Some of her stories for being such a ‘grown up’ person have been passed by now. She has to get used to this situation. She’s on her own now, working out things by herself to achieve.

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The truth about 'judging' =)

I have one friend of mine, he's a makeup artist & he used to doing my make-up 'thing once a week, for my regular "side-job".
When I first met him I almost ensured myself that he might be just the same...like others. I mean for the 'identity' and one more thing, for his mind or his point of living the world. I thought he was the same like other makeup artists that I know. //wait-don't get me wrong; I'm not gonna talk bout other people's business yah; this is for another topic" ^^//
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I was having myself on a bad-mood that time. Not to mention it was my first day doing the side work., well yess I felt such an awkward' feelings for being there; cos I was really hope that I didn't have to do this, before I change my point of view by took it for my own savings-haha*
That was the time when I knew I was totally wrong. I was being a snobbish one, who thought like I must be the poorest one-in the world. Nobody knows what/how was it feel.
>>> He, is really a He". =p . Yup! He's a man, straight one. I couldn't believe that I almost claimed him for a gay' one; but nope. He really is a man. ha ha! How shameful...

But then again while we're waiting for me to start, me & mom was having chit-chat with him. (well mostly I just heard both of them share things, though =p)
And!
He told us that apparently there's some reason why was he taking job as a makeup artist. His mother, she is sick and need somebody to take care of her. Check up, then Re-check up again; with sort of condition they have; He decided to resign from his main job.
(OhMyGod) He works on an Oil-department at Singapore. He's a Diploma! and he was in his 'so-Fine' position. It's his dream which he always wanted to achieve.
He dedicated himself to take care of his mother; thats why he quited. It was a decision-wise; he said. Guess what;
basically he doesn't know how to do make-up at all; and never in his mind that he'd take the job as his current profession till now.
He has no choice. His closest friend & this is near his house as well; all gave him the same advice.. Make up artist is only for more of his income...to save.
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It was for him too for the first time there. It's a Pressure behind him. *and I swear I knew how it felt*
He told me no-longer after that he realized that this is the life he has to take. Reflected back he knows his mom would needed him too.
By then, he was able to work his job as a makeup artist.
In fact, his previous office has told him for whenever he wants to come back; he's already work. =)
Besides, I just know too..that he's an active-volunteer at UNDP. The way he speak his mind; such a smart persona. Yet he even got another diploma for Medical-development for Animal.!.
Wow... >> I even asked question about taking care of my pet << and he was very kind on giving me lots of advices about Volunteering.
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*gosh.... How shameful I am. This is really true. Don't ever judge any books by it's cover.
It's Totally a Snobbish' thought.
I guess we all can learn from this; I'm sure there'll be another stories there..thousand stories behind somebody's great-life.
and I will keep myself on learning, for sure!! ^-^

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//Track on : " Gabriel by Lamb
" Heaven by Lamb
" Sunrise by Yeasayer //

-hm...gotta pull 'em out of the head I guess..=)-
Looking back 5 years from now, remembering how did I make my decision to reach my dream.
*by the way I'm now in the mid' between all my senior-on modeling- I call 'em all The Mrs'.he he.*
Some of them were asking me back then. again 5 years ago. The question was about what will be my target to achieve; for the future day. I said I wanna be a professional model! ^^
Such a big decision it was; for a 14 years old girl. And was really different than today. Modeling world wasn't as big like nowadays before. People would called it as a hobby; not a profession.
While me when I was in my agency; one of the booker asked the same question. He shocked. haha... 'ha..? keluar dari sekolah formal??..terus mau jadi apa kamu nanti?!'
--I hate him so much that time. =p --
I was only answered "mau jadi model" & then left. God..., how come there's a person like him in this world; and I thought; "hell yeah, he got his diploma right..? well it only led him to be a booker; my-booker!" *hihi... excuse my language*
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It was just one of another grumpy' things. I can tell I often hear those kinda' stories too... But mostly they ended the decision by following the parents'; or just let it flow... some of them confessed, on becoming Nothing.
*phewwh...* How hard it is...to survived; or to speak-their minds out.
Sometime situation could be one of the biggest difficulties as well.
But I guess, there will always be a change in every dream that we wished.. How strong and patient' we are; is the main point. There's always risk in every choice, right?
And to make that choice, we need to be brave-enough, to speak them out.
^-^

Flu....Flu...Flu.......

Gosh---I'm so...sick. Really sick. This Flu got worse. Although I've had 'em since 2 days ago. But it was--FAST!! *betebetebeteee*
I thought I'll never gonna say Hi' again to my 'weakness' since kiddo. =(
but then it appeared yesterday...huhuuuu...'. Tiredness, busy-things to do and think about; that's exactly what made me got this. Uuurrgghh*moody-face*
===========================
And what was that which made my voice-gone away so fast?? --ha ha... My job today! =O guess what, I've this launch D&G show @ Grand Indonesia today. And, it wasn't just like the regular-show. It was a Trunk-Mingling Show. pheeww... Mingle..Mingle..and mingle. We all stood there having ourself chat' with all guests, fashionistas, and some Boss....for.... 2 Hours!! ohMyGod---it was horrible---I'd prefer to go on the catwalk doing 10 outfits than having myself on lobbying. hikhik..

While my voice is already a 'crappy'voice; it became worse and worse because of this kinda show. hiyaaaaa'..... Poor-me. I lost my voice-and it's 85 % total gone!
===================================

Crap" ugly things in my morning timeee.. da da daa.'

===========
*heegghh..* crap. Kinda bad-start" on a day.
I was awake with my internet still on..and then..!! I read this' message on my posted-wall--it was asking bout my relationship with my Bf. Ouucchhh.. Common... I've been asked for the similar' question like that lately; "although I know that this is the risk', but I'm trying to get my peace of mind hereeee...
//we're still together yesss dahleeenk"... =p But it's usual to have such problem like that. I mean, those crappy' infotainments are just the same--they like to have some gossip (mostly the bad' one) and..unfortunately, on the management-side, most of 'em are also like to use this kinda situation" to promote their New artist/talents!!//
*well; I've shut myself-up for this. ^^*
I just don't get it. We're minding our own business., just because one-another having the same business of our own, people just loved to make fun of that. *pffft!*
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If maybe they're (all kinda' public figure) really have something or in the middle of somewhere'; why can't people just let it?! It's okay to report that on the news/entertainment-channel; but it will be very nice if they just report it for once' a headline. Not interrupting their whole-activities and bugging and spying and interrogating all friends&relatives!!!
*Holy--Geez' I'm staring to get boiled"..=p*

pheww... Okie dokie..., I'm getting myself off now. Gotta go gotta gooo....on working =)
There are more important things to do...than to minding the crappy-things out" ^o^
Just like The Beattles 'song--- Let it be...Let it be..Let it be" (hihihi...) =)

Mood's Rep--!! =)

Spend my day on managing all things in mind. Sleep. (finally I have some time to rest"..)

//Track play : 'Ruth Marie' by Mark Kozelek
'Aku' by SORE
'Closing' by Philip Glass//

Hmm.. Love the song so damn...much!! =)
A bit too drama maybe; but I dunno, I just feel this kind of support' when I listen to these song. Talking bout music, I've been live with them all since I was kiddo. For me, they're like -representing your mood. Yet sometimes they can help me think for what have happened through days.

Okay. Enough for this. >>> Ouuwhh but this 'Ruth Marie' song's very...ironic!! minimalist-sad song. hik*... =( makes me wanna cry and share out my empathy"...huahuaa =p heeggh. >>>
I'll be working this dawn--I mean yes; dawn in the morning! at 04.00 am.ha ha.

==========================
Oh! this is one of my picture yesterday nite. ^^ Me with Laura Subaki" (Basuki =p) came to teteh Nia's birthday & party bash' at Ciputat --it was somewhere.....far from everywhere! hi hi..
and we are the youngest hereeee... =D he he he...
and we were home; plus Tipsy!! ^o^
so this is a real "BarBuk" for both of us to remembered!!

waiting..waiting...and..waiitttiiinggg...*d'oh..* T_T

Hiyaass' here from Surabaya =p hi hi...'
I'm stuck here waiting for my makeup to start. Well.., I guess the soul of wedding' is still around! ^^ Bridal show. yah.., can't do anything.. it's part of our job (as a model), this is like; we can see the difference clearly. It is obvious!! ha ha.. at Jakarta the system that we have on every event (including Fashion show) have been running. at least fine laah.. =) But for the other cities, he he... =p yah...beginilah yaa.... berusaha maklum aja dhe.... Rehearsal ballroom ngga ada sound system-nya, AC belum boleh dinyalain--super Hot' here!!--, and for the complete session; blocking ekspresi gaya jalan, tetap harus Hyper... ^o^ hahahaa..*
//If this was happening to me years before, I would've been in a very bad-mood, pissed off, or crying after the show, and I called my mom-bothering her with all those grumpy' things of mine. *obvious banget anak-anak nya,, =p*//
But it won't be like that anymore. as mom has told me; we have to learn by the experiences we have had. Learn to grow-up and act more mature.
--hmm.. I might haven't act the right thing yet or being mature enough; but at least I became more appreciate' with the people involved.--